Something I can never have
by Brainsbeforebullets
Summary: After spending two years on the brig, Tommy's out and ready to fight again but there's some bumps on the road and she happens to be there to help him get up, Camila. The new promise that Frank Campana is training but she's not the most ideal girl for Tommy right now, well that's what his family think. (Lot's of family drama, OC drama and fist fights and blood.)
1. Throw this way

Twenty four months later, Tommy Conlon is free and also a _civilian,_last time that he'd been a civilian he had to bury his mother; but at least he had the corps after.

Until the bombs fell,

His entire unit died.

Manny died.

And he was the sole survivor.

It's been more than two years and he still get nightmares and vivid flashbacks, sometimes it's like he never left that day and he can still taste the dust on his mouth, feel the blood on his hands and hear the ringing in his ears.

_Now_, now he has nothing.

twenty four months later and he was only a civilian.

Brendan Conlon is waiting for him on the bus stop in Philly, he'd been here for almost two hours now and after another fifteen minutes more of waiting, there was Tommy. His hair buzzed short and he looked more skinny like the last time he saw him in Sparta two years ago. He had lost a few pounds and he just looked tired but he can still see a phantom of release on his eyes when Tommy saw him on the station, waiting for him.

"Jesus, Tommy," Brendan says and put his arms around his baby brother frame and squeeze him into a thigh hug even lift him off the ground.

"Yeah, put me down now," Tommy grumble and pat his brother on the back with a tight smile, he looks at his brother and fight tears back because he really wanted to see him all this years.

"Screw it, I missed you." Brendan says and hug his baby brother again with tears rolling down his cheeks and so is Tommy.

"Yeah, miss you too." He mumble thinking that he really wanted to hug his brother for the last two years.

"Come on, let's go home." Brendan put an arm around his shoulders and led Tommy into the parking lot of the station and he saw his brand new black SUV escalade Cadillac.

"Really?, Brendan." Tommy points at the car with an amused grin because he never pictured his big brother in a Cadillac. "You in the hood now?" he tease.

"Fuck you, it's a great piece of machinery." Brendan says and Tommy just smile.

* * *

><p>Tommy is looking at the burger with extra cheese and fries on the side and he just remembered that he used to eat this with Manny all the time before they were deployed, it's been two years and he just can't shake the feeling off and then Brendan ask him what's his going to do with his life.<p>

"I want to fight, that's what I do." He simply said shoving down the burger down his throat.

"You're going to train with pop?"

"No," He quickly said and sigh deeply. "I was thinking if you could put a good word for me with Campana."

"You wanna train with Frank?," He asked and Tommy nod. "I don't know bro, he's not the typical-"

"I know, but I need a change on my training."

"Are you sure? I mean, I'll talk to Frank but maybe you can go back into colt's."

"Nah, Mad Dog will bitch about it."

"Okay, I'll talk to him." Brendan says and Tommy nod, "You're staying with us?, right?"

_With us._

"If you're asking me to stay with in your house, I don't think so Brendan. I had to get my own place I can't... I just... I can't." He said putting the burger down, he doesn't feel like eating anymore. This is the part that his brother didn't understand, Tommy had been trying to get him to understand that he didn't do family anymore, he isn't comfortable sitting on a table with Brendan's family. He loves his little nieces, they're great little girls and it was amazing talking on the phone with them over this two years and even all the drawing that he had of them and he even like Tess but in small dose, but he couldn't do it.

"Tommy I'm not going to let you go again, you're my family." Brendan says with a little hurt on his voice, thinking that he probably won't see his brother anymore. He want to change that, so desperately.

"I'll stay in Philly, Brendan. I just can't live in your house; I'll stay over in a motel until I can find my own place."

"Stay for a while, you know until you can figure shit out." Brendan offered and Tommy just look at him. "You'll have your own bedroom and bathroom, I'm just asking to stay with us for a while nothing permanent, Tommy."

"Brendan..."

"Come on, you didn't have a lot of money and why spend in a motel when you can stay for a few weeks." Brendan says and saw the hesitation on his brother's eyes and he know that if he really wanted him to stay he had to use his girls. "You know, Emily and Rosie will be very happy to have his uncle on the house for a while."

_Son of bitch._

"Alright, I'll stay for a few until I can find my own place." Tommy sigh and shake his head with a little smile and look at his brother. "You just use your kids, you son of a bitch." he said before putting the hamburger back into his mouth.

* * *

><p>Tommy is standing on the middle of the guest room in his brother's house everything was white and with a touch of light yellow splashed in there. It wasn't really bad, a little girly. The bed was to soft for his taste, but after spending two years sleeping in a bunk bed with a bunch of another guys in the same room, this was luxury.<p>

He sigh deeply and tried to close his eyes for a moment, because it is late and they just arrive a couple of minutes, luckily for him that Tess and the little ones were already sleeping. Tommy didn't want to deal with them right away, he need to rest the last thing that he look was the 'Welcome back Uncle Tommy we love you' with a lots of hearts of every color standing on the bedside table with a bunch of home made cookies.

And he smile.

* * *

><p>Camila never really left her home country before, so she was obviously a little bit lost in the airport and just have to keep asking for directions making her become grumpy, she hated the necessary talking with people.<p>

She managed to ask for a taxi and hop in with her medium suitcase and a backpack, that was all her luggage, she trow it in the back seat and closed the door behind her.

"I need to go to this place," Camila handed a pretty rough paper with a street name of Frank's Campana training facility. The taxi driver was an old Italian on his fifties that had to turn around and gave her a look.

"Sure thing, you're not from around here?."

"No." She said trying to stop the small talk but she didn't want to be rude with this old man.

"And where are you from?"

"Argentina."

"Ah, Argentina football. Ah, yeah yeah..." He said and she nod a few times, then the old men look at her again and sigh a little bit. "You're a model?, you look like that one... eh, my son will probably know." He laugh trying to make that girl laugh but nothing.

"I'm not a model, I fight." She said and he just laugh at her, thinking that this little thing couldn't possibly be a fighter.

"Doll, with a face looking like that you can't be a fighter." He said shaking his head and Camila frown.

"Whatever, just drive me there." Camila mumble close her eyes for a little bit, she is tired of traveling because for her sitting still more than one hour was stressful, imagine the eighteen that she had to endure.

"Hey girly, we're here." The taxi driver shouted from the front seat making her blink her eyes a couple of times, she didn't said anything and paid the fare got out.

The first thing that Camila felt when she open the door of the gym was the smell, it was just so different of the shit hole club when she used to train back in her country. It smell good here and there was light coming from the big windows and it was clean.

"Hello there," The blonde girl from behind the counter said at her with a smile. "How can I help you?"

"Ah, yeah right." Camila leave her suitcase and walked up to the girl. "I'm looking for Frank Campana."

"Okay, and you are...?"

"Err, Camila Gonzalez."

The blonde gave her another smile and ask if she needed something to drink or eat, Camila only shake her head and sat down on the chairs with her feet in her suitcase waiting for the girl to come back. She catch a glance of her in the mirror and noted that she haven't changed for the meeting with Frank, she was using her usually gym rat clothes, Nike sneakers and a basketball black shorts that were a little to big on her frame and an old megadeath shirt that was a little to small and had a hole near her belly button and over it had her official hoddie of the gym she used to go back home.

So much for second good impressions.

* * *

><p>"You know that this isn't like training with you father, I don't train my guys like that. No more angry shit, no more out of the cage like that. You gotta be Zen and listen to Beethoven." Frank was pacing in front of the two brothers, they were sit down in front of his desk, Tommy was nodding at everything he said and Brendan was trying to picturing his baby brother zen and listening to Beethoven.<p>

"Yes, Frank... I'm-yeah, I will." Tommy finally spoke after a while and look at his brother that gave him a squeeze on his shoulder reassuring his decision.

"Okay, but you're on probation for now. Came by tomorrow morning I arrange to the doctor to come by and check on you and take a few samples and you have to know that I run this gym drug free, my guys are all natural if something came up on the exams you're out, no second chances."

"I understand."

"There's something I should now?, I don't want any surprises."

"I'm clean now. I-" Tommy spoke and look at his brother for a second, because Brendan didn't know this. "I used to take seroquel, trazodone and zoloft."

"That's some heavy shit, They were prescript?"

"Not really. But it helped you know... after, Iraq." He mumble and Brendan gave him another squeeze in the shoulder and Tommy let out air from his lungs feeling a little bit better after telling them this.

"Alright, but you're clean now. Thanks for telling me this, Tommy. It means a lot." Frank gave him a little smile a little more content with the outcome of this conversation because Tommy seem like he did want to improve.

The knock in the door make all of the three men look at the source and it was the receptionist on the other side.

"I'm sorry to bother Frank, but there's a girl looking for you and she doesn't look good. Her name is Camila Gonzalez."

"What?, woow. uhm..." Frank is surprised because he hasn't heard of her in over a year now, and she being here means that something happened. "Okay, send her in. Thank you."

"Okay, I will."

Brendan look at his old trainer with a grin on his face and had to ask.

"Didn't expect her?"

"No, brother." Frank let out a laugh and point at Brendan. "You have to meet her, pretty thing strong as an oak."

"She's a fighter?" Frank nod and laugh again,

"More of a brawler, kinda remind me of your baby brother a little bit." He said and Tommy looks up at him. "Not saying your a brawler, just a little rough around the edges."

"Where you meet her?"

"In the end of the word," Frank said trying to sound cryptic and laugh again. "In the trip I took last year, in Argentina. I was in a bar and I saw her take down another dude with three punches, talk to her and she's been training muay thai and bjj since she's eight."

"woow, she must be ripped out, training from that little."

"No, she's really cute." Frank said and Brendan's eyes pooped out. "You'll see." He said and even Tommy was looking forward to see that girl now and speaking of the devil, there she was knocking the door and Frank didn't smile when he saw her entering the door. "What the hell happened to your face?"

"A fist, mostly." She simply said and shrugged. "Hello to you too."

"Hey, come here and give me a hug." Frank said walking up to her and embrace the young girl with his arms. "Everything okay?" He ask.

"No, not really." She said letting him go and give him a side smile, Frank give her the same smile and then look at the other two in the room.

"Brendan, she's Camila. Cami he's Brendan Conlon." Frank introduce them and she recognize that name because Frank didn't stop naming him when she meet him back in the day.

"Ah, he's the dude." Camila said looking at Frank and he panic for little bit, because Camila wasn't Brendan number one fan. "You're the one that rip-"

"Cami." Frank warned her and she just rolled her eyes.

"Nice to meet you." She muttered and shake his hand anyway.

"He's my brother, Tommy." Brendan said introducing to his brother and she bite her tongue to said that he was the other dude that let his brother dislocate your own shoulder.

"Nice to meet you." Tommy muttered and tried not to looking her in the face, she was pretty messed up but still she was hot, nice body with little muscle definition and he was sure that under that pants were a killer pair of legs and her ass was amazing, round perky and just about the right size.

"Like wise." Camila muttered back and sat her ass down on a table on the side of room and looked around, Frank laugh because this is what he meant with a little rouge about the edges, he mean that she didn't behave like a normal human being and it was either funny or you just hate her. "So... yeah, when do I start?"

"We'll talk first." Frank said and she rolled her eyes.

"Right, Beethoven." Camila said and Brendan let out a laugh.

"He Beethoven you already?" he asked and Camila laugh thinking about how the two of them _Beethoven_ eachother that day.

"Yes, he Beethoven me already. Not the best Beethoven I had, if you ask me." She said with a smug smile on her face and Brendan let out another laugh and Frank just gave her a glare. Tommy was hiding a smile, he didn't want to laugh on Franks face.

* * *

><p>Hey, I fix the older chap. It was an early draft and I didin't notice it. English it's not my mother tongue so, if someone wants to help me out im all ears :)<p>

Thanks :)


	2. fixers

"So, you're gonna talk or I'll start asking?" The voice was soft but he meant that, he needed to know what happened.

"Talk about what?," Camila asked unfaced but she knew what he meant.

"What are you doing here?," Frank asked, firmly.

"I wanna be pro in MMA, and you said you could make it happen." The girl said as a matter of fact.

"That's it?" He said almost sarcastically.

"That's it." Camila sigh and put both of her hands, they were little and her nails were painted with a dark blue, she tap the surface and left them fall open handed and then closed both of her hands, Frank look at them and saw the scars on the knuckles, they seem fresh.

"And your face?" He asked.

"I'm fine." Camila muttered under her breath, she didn't want to talk about it and besides he didn't have to gave Frank any explanation about it.

"I didn't ask you if you're fine, I know that. I asked what happen to your face." Frank lean over the desk trying intimidate her a little, to pressure her to tell him what's going on.

"I fell." Camila obviously lied and Frank had to sigh before he lost the patience that he was very careful not to loose never.

"You fell?," He asked and she nodded, Frank gave her a look that he didn't believe that and she gave him a side smile.

"You asked," And She shrugged and narrow her eyes a little bit. "So, you're going to train me or I should be getting a ticket back?" She asked, tired of the questioning.

Frank gave her a look, thinking... She was beautiful, that's the first thing that popped in his head and probably in any men head when they see her, she had the looks and the ability to make it big in MMA and in this country; she was money and he knew that, she was big money and that was something that Frank likes, money. But he also knew that she was difficult, not to train but to get her temper in check, he meant it when he said she was a brawler.

Camila likes, no, no, scratch that. Camila **loves** to fight in the ring, street, bar o whenever and she was good and that was bad for businesses.

"There are rules," Frank began to said to her and she listens. "No more fighting outside of a ring, no more booze or whatever you're taking if you're taking, no late nights, no dating, no fucking and you stay clean, no juicing, diet it's strict, you train and that's it." Frank said adding a little bit more things to her than to his male trainers, specially the no dating/fucking thing. Camila's eyes open up and almost had to laugh at the rules that Frank laid on her.

"Do you laid those rules on the others too?" She asked a little offended, mostly at the no fighting and fucking part.

"If I need to, I do." Frank said calmly.

"Okay, I get the no fighting outside of a ring. No fucking?,"

"Guys can't get pregnant, you can." Frank said and Camila look at him and bite her lower lips thinking that he might be right, a kid right now was the last thing that she needed, specialty if she wanted to make it.

"Makes sense, That's it?"

"That's it."

* * *

><p>Tommy was up even before the sun was up, he stretch on the side of the bed and crack his neck feeling some of the pressure gone. He sat down on the white sheets and look around the bedroom, white with touches of royal blue and a little of golden around. He didn't like white, it makes him feel clinical.<p>

He took a quick shower, got dress in his old gym rat outfit that he used two years ago to train for Sparta, and then head out, skipping breakfast because he can't have anything today because they were going to take a sample of blood and urine.

He slowly run to Campana's listening to some music, angry music to get him pumped out and to get over the same Beethoven shit going on in the gym, it was the only thing that he didn't like fucking Beethoven. It was a cold morning, and now the sun was pretty much up in the Philadelphia sky, he run for about thirty minutes and finally arrive.

Ode of _fucking_ Joy was blasting from the speakers of the gym and Tommy suddenly had the urge to punch somebody in the face, no, maybe he had the urge to punch his brother in the face.

"Glad you made it," He heard Frank said to him and Tommy just look at him and nod making a semi-growl sound and that was it. Frank nod too and leave him alone, he didn't want to push it, this was new to him and he did just got out of the brig so Frank though that he could cut him some slack for the time being.

"Fuck Beethoven, fuck ode of fucking joy." Tommy heard someone muttered besides him and then keep walking, it was this girl from yesterday, Camila.

"You're always lovely in the morning." Frank said to her, trying to push her buttons a little bit. Camila fake-laugh at him and flip him off, actually making Frank laugh a little bit louder. In that moment Tommy actually though if there was something going on between those two.

Both of them were sitting in complete silence on the room with Frank at their backs with his arms crossed, the entourage of doctors were working on them.

Camila was looking at the girl that was -trying to- take blood from Tommy's arm, she looked flushed and intimidated by the men in front of her.

"Sorry, I..." She mumble, nervous while poking him with a needle for the third time and he seem unfaced by it. Camila rise her eyebrows at the girl thinking that if she was Tommy, she will be pretty mad that said bitch.

"It's okay, take your time." He almost whispered back at her and Camila wanted to punch them both.

"You better not take your time with my arm," Camila open her mouth without thinking, the girl flushed even more and gave her an apologetic nod at her, then Tommy look at her not really saying something but he did with his silence.

"Okay, it's done." The girl said and Tommy nodded while she put the band aid on his arm and he stood up leaving the chair for her turn.

"You're Camila Gonzalez, right?" She asked looking at the paper in front of her.

"Last time I cheeked." She mumble and put her right arm out of her long sleeves shirt and show it to her. The girl look at her like she was nervous or something. "It's your first time?"

"No, not really." The girl said grabbing a new pair of gloves and put them on.

"Then why so flustered?, you like him or something?" Camila asked and she flushed even more than before. "So you like him."

"It's just..." She started to mumble and look at Tommy's direction and he was talking with the other doctor on the far side of the room. "I think his story it's emotional and very moving."

Everybody who likes MMA knew the story about the Conlon's brothers, about Brendan and Tommy. Everything was pretty much in the open and Camila didn't think it 'was _emotional and very moving'. _She think that it sucked to be him, actually. Every fucking soul knowing your life and actually judging it and even romanticize it, like this bitch with her '_emotional and very moving'_ bullshit.

What the fuck is wrong with some women?.

"Alright, this time it went better."The girl said with a smile after taking her blood in one go, Camila don't said anything thinking about all the things that Frank said to her and simply walked away leaving at the girl muttering under her breath about how rude she was.

By the time they were done with the tests and after one of the doctors poke her in her bruised face and asked her if it hurt, she told him that if she punched him square in the nose and asked him if it hurt what could possibly be his answer, she heard Tommy snort besides her and the doctor pushed his lips together and not even dare to speak to her again.

Now the three of them were sitting in Frank's office and he was talking.

"Okay, the results will be up in a couple of days." Frank Said and Tommy nod and Camila yawn of boredom. "Why both of you go and eat on the diner across the street, my threat." Frank offered with a wide smile and Tommy looked up and Camila smile at the mention of food. "And when you two come back we'll talk logistics."

It was still pretty early to eat lunch and besides it was still breakfast time, Camila was looking at the menu thinking that all the greasy stuff in the morning actually makes her feel sick.

"What are you eating?" She asked Tommy in front of her, he was looking at the menu too because he didn't want to stare at her.

"Don't know, probably some eggs and bacon."

"Eggs and bacon?" Camila asked frowning.

"Yes, why?"

"It's like nine, how could you eat that?" She said not really understanding and Tommy looked at her and his lips twitch a little bit, remembering that she wasn't from around here.

"It's what we eat, what do you eat for breakfast?" Tommy asked and she put her elbow on the table and her head was now resting on her hand, she looked kind of adorable.

"Well, coffee or tea with milk and some bread or milk and cereals or yogurt with fruit." She said like it was the most normal thing, Tommy will feel empty if he only eat that.

"That's it?"

"yeah, why?"

"It's too little."

"Why would you eat more?, I train after that I don't like to feel heavy when I train. How could you move with all that food?"

"I'm used to." Tommy said to her. "But I don't usually eat bacon and eggs when I train, it's like forbidden."

"Yeah, lots of grease on that thing." She said and Tommy nod. "I kinda miss eating French fries when I train, it's like my favorite food ever."

"I miss chocolate,"

"I don't like chocolate."

"What?" Tommy said and frown. "How could you not possibly like chocolate, you didn't have it in your country or what?"

"We have chocolate and it's better than here, but I just don't like it... I mean it taste weird but I like white chocolate."

"That's not even real chocolate." Tommy said and she laugh shaking her head. "You're like the fist woman I know who doesn't like chocolate."

"Yeah, flowers and a heart shaped box with chocolate are not my thing, I'm more of a bucket of French fries and cheeseburgers." She said looking at the celling and Tommy had to laugh and then the waitress came by and took their orders; Camila order some plain pancakes with coffee and Tommy his eggs with bacon and along with black coffee too.

"Plain pancakes?" He asked.

"Yeah, I put some sugar on them and voilà', better than butter or that maple syrup, gross." She said making a face and Tommy couldn't even believe this girl and her food.

"You're missing life." He mutter and dig in making her snort at him and eat her plain pancakes with sugar on top.

Tommy was looking at her while she put sugar on top of the pancakes, she was messy with it, pouring sugar all over the table and she just put it aside and dig, eat and drink her coffee at the same time and she was silent while eating, he sigh inhale and then exhale while thinking that this mess in front of him was probably the most good looking girl that he had laid eyes on, and she talk with the waitress about something that he didn't listen because he was looking at her talk with her mouth almost full and bark with laughter.

"...You know, the blood girl," She said to him but he only catch the last part.

"Uhm?" He asked her shaking his head a little bit and she laugh at him.

"That the blood girl was nervous because she likes you." Camila said again and Tommy couldn't care less about that girl that poke him with a needle three times.

"Ah, she's got my attention poking my arm with a needle." Tommy muttered and she chuckle again and then he reach into his pants and took a little paper that the girl slide into his hands before going.

"Are you kidding me?, she gave you her number?" She asked taking the paper out of his hands and he laugh. "Call me, Sarah. And had a heart on the side." Camila laugh again and gave Tommy the paper back. "You know, she's one of those people that think that can fix you with love." She said with somehow serious tone in her voice.

"What you mean?" He asked taking one of the last bites of his food.

"Just that, you know... the typical 'you have to tell me so I can help you, I love you' bullshit, but when the shit hit the fan they leave you because 'it hurt them seeing you like that'. You know, she seem like that." Camila said without looking at him and then shrugged. "And of course they 'suffering' had more meaning that the shit you're dealing."

"You know her?" Tommy asked her trying to know where this she got that conclusion.

"No."

"Then how you know?, maybe she's not like that." He asked her.

"Because she said something to me that kinda got me to that conclusion." She answered him and shrugged again. "You wanna know what she said?" Camila asked him and Tommy nod. "That your story was emotional and very moving and I almost punch her in the face."

"What?"

"The girl wants to 'fix you'," Camila said and put the fork down and then another plate of plain pancakes were put in front of her and with a smile she started to pour sugar on them and Tommy keep on looking at her, with his head tilt a little bit to the side and he think that she was a little bit crazy but that didn't stop the little smile form on his lips.

When they left Tommy leave the paper crushed inside of his empty cup of coffee.


End file.
